Parent to Parent

You throw, girl!

"You throw like a girl" is a statement that still recoils around us today. As I began to gather data for this article, every girl and woman I asked agreed that she perceived this comment as derogatory. One said, "It means your throw stinks." In other words, the ball was thrown short or it veered off in the wrong direction.

I've witnessed the sex-segregated playgrounds of upper elementary students and I've asked girls, "Why don't you play basketball? How about football? Baseball?" There is the typical response "I don't want to, it's boring" but often I hear, "I never learned how, I'm afraid everyone will laugh at me." The responses from boys who look longingly at the double dutchers are much the same. "I've never learned. I would probably get made fun of."

I learned how to throw as a young girl. My Dad would take me to the park. He explained some throwers appear to go to a lot of effort to push the ball like a shot put instead of hurl it hard using the full extent of the arm. I learned how hold my arm to make an "L" between my elbow and shoulder and the importance of follow through as the ball is released. Balance was part of it too. To this day, I love to launch a baseball across the pasture while a catcher runs backward to get his or her mitt under it. Kaylin, 40, recalls, "Some of my fondest moments are playing catch with my mom. She was on a co-ed softball team while I was growing up and my sister and I would cheer her on. She is the one who taught me how to throw and catch."

Not many of the women I surveyed learned as a girl. Luanne, 42, said, "No one really taught me to throw a baseball that I recall, until I was an adult, when my husband tried...I still sometimes feel like I throw the ball like a T-Rex, as if my arm is half as long as it should be." Laura, 34, said, "It was not a brother, father or even an uncle who taught me to throw, it was a boyfriend." Title IX was signed the year of my birth. Thirty-six years ago the language (modeled after the Civil Rights Act) was passed: No person in the United States shall, on the basis of sex, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, or be subjected to discrimination under any education program or activity receiving Federal financial assistance.

The Title IX: Exercise My Rights website (www.titleix.info) challenges the myth that women just aren't interested in sports. In fact, "after Title IX, women's participation in intercollegiate sports skyrocketed. Before Title IX, fewer than 32,000 women participated in college sports, today that number exceeds 150,000...proof that interest follows opportunity."

Interest follows opportunity. While not a huge fan of organized sports for kids, I want my daughters to pursue anything they want. Even twenty years ago, I got the message that I would probably be a better teacher than I would a scientist. I don't want that for my daughters. After they learn to catch and throw, then they can decide what to do with that skill. Like me, maybe they'll just enjoy the zip of a Frisbee when you flick your wrist just right.

My eight-year-old, Maya, loves to come out and play ball and says, "I can tell I'm getting better all the time." Last year Maya threw a ball six feet with great effort, now she grins when I catch it with a satisfying smack. Like Luanne maybe she'll someday enjoy the satisfaction of a perfect spiral in the backyard. Or maybe she'll decide she wants to pursue an athletic challenge to her personal best and throw a softball ninety miles an hour like Jennie Finch. Or not. I want Maya to have the opportunity to discover her level of interest. Throwing may provide a way for girls to remove themselves from the traditional "cheering on the sidelines" role, not because they have to compete with boys, but because they enjoy competing with themselves.

While my research on this topic was neither deep nor scientifically organized, I did find that the women who learned to throw younger were more likely to teach another girl or woman to throw. Jen, 38, said, "I think the hardest part was getting across the idea of throwing with the right hand while pushing off of the left foot." Most of these women felt that teaching a girl to throw for fun was a great way to connect. Others that didn't learn, learned later in life or learned in a competitive atmosphere didn't see much value. Laura said, "Whatever the reason, I don't enjoy playing ball to this day which is probably why I've never taught someone else how to throw."

Some girls throw for fun; some for sports; some for release. Kaylin said, "I think the act of throwing is very expressive, just in itself. It can be an act of assertion." Girls can learn to throw and throw well along with the hundreds of other amazing things they do. Most important they can turn off the negative messages from a comment like "You throw like a girl." They may smile, say nothing, say 'thank you' or launch a ball across the field. Who knows? With a girl, anything is possible.

Top Ten Tips for working with a child new to throwing:

• Warm up. Warm muscles are better-for everything.
• Start slow. Begin with a beach ball or large softball. As the girl gets older decrease the size and add some weight to the ball.
• Have fun. Skip rocks.
• Start close together and then back up a step at a time. The stance is wide for balance.
• Grip is important. Often we start by holding a baseball, in particular, with our whole hand, but really the grip is with the fingers (for children with bigger hands).
• Share some tips about proper arm alignment. Make an L with the arm and then snap the arm and wrist toward the target.
• Have fun. Throw snowballs at trees.
• Reinforce all progress, "That ball went farther than the last one."
• Stay positive and persevere; we often don't like to do things we aren't good at in the beginning.
• Did I mention throw yourself into it and have fun?

©2008 Heather Rader