Newborn Baby Information

Breastfeeding

A mother asks: We'll be visiting my husband's family for a week this summer. Our two-month-old baby is the only grandchild in my husband's family to be breastfed. She nurses about every two hours, and while that doesn't concern me, I am worried that my husband's family won't understand. How can I handle her frequent nursing with lots of people around? Also, how do I answer relatives who aren't particularly supportive of breastfeeding?

At one time or another, all nursing mothers encounter people who don't understand or support the breastfeeding relationship. It's good to think ahead of time about positive responses to negative comments. There are several approaches you can take.

First, you can go into the situation assuming that everyone will be delighted to see your healthy, happy baby. Sometimes even the relatives who have the most misgivings about breastfeeding will be won over when they see a baby obviously thriving on mother's milk. You can encourage support by showing confidence in your decision to breastfeed: "I'm so glad nursing is going well for us," or "We're both enjoying nursing so much." People are less likely to comment if you show assurance first.

Your husband can act as a liaison with his family by openly showing his support for breastfeeding. Before your trip ask him to run interference if family members show disapproval. Again, his confidence and pride will be just as effective as yours in silencing any naysayers.

If people do comment about the frequency of feedings, which is often disconcerting to those who have never nursed, you can tell them that since breast milk is so easily digested, breastfed babies do nurse oftener. Also, your baby may want to nurse more often because of the strange environment, over-stimulation by too many new people, or a change in your daily routine. Handle these fussy times by taking the baby to your room for a private nursing. Try to build some calm, quiet time into each day of your visit so you'll both be at your best when it's time to socialize. Squeeze in a nap if you can, as your baby sleeps.

His family may think they can't feel as close to the baby as they'd like because she is nursing. They may want to give her a bottle. Make a point of asking for their help for other baby care, such as rocking, bathing, or entertaining the baby while you take a shower. You'll be glad to have an occasional break, and the relatives will be able to nurture too.

Sometimes women who have not breastfed, or who have tried and quit, will need to tell you about their experiences. This is especially true of women who raised children during the times when bottle-feeding was encouraged. Remember that very few women received adequate support or accurate information about nursing in the forties and fifties. You can be supportive of them while still being thankful you have the support and information you need to breastfeed successfully.

Another point to remember: always nurse discreetly. Some people feel that breastfeeding is immodest or embarrassing. Plan to take loose, comfortable clothing that lends itself easily to nursing, and take along extra receiving blankets to throw over your shoulder when nursing in front of people. Find a quiet spot away from the crowd if you're feeling uncomfortable about being able to nurse discreetly. Don't try to hold the baby off if you know she needs to nurse--just excuse yourself quietly or cover the whole operation with a blanket. After a week, everyone should be feeling a lot more comfortable with your nursing relationship.

Finally, ask for support if you feel you aren't getting it. Use "I" statements: "I appreciate your concern, but I really feel we've made the best choice for our family and I'd like to have your support." Don't get defensive or be tempted to criticize bottle-feeding. Express your confidence in your choice and let people know how they can be helpful and supportive.

©2008 Betty Trent Freeman

Betty Freeman writes about breastfeeding from her experiences as a nursing mother and La Leche League Leader for 21 years. For more information about LLL support groups, call King County 24-hour phone 206-522-1336, West Sound area 24-hour phone 360-405-6784 or 1-877-413-3456, www.lllusa.org, or see www.nwbaby.com for local group leaders and listings.