I learned a harsh lesson in my first job. I worked at Six Flags Over Texas, an amusement park in Arlington, Texas. I found, in virtually every mens' restroom, evidence that men and boys simply could not pee in a urinal cleanly. What's worse, many passed open urinals to enter toilet stalls and pee straight into the bowl, just like at home, spattering everywhere and often missing altogether and peeing on the floor. This left quite a mess on the floors for the restroom attendants to clean up.

This really got me mad at first. Later I just began to wonder why so many men and boys were so thoughtless and even dirty. Many of the messy guys were rather clean-cut and neat in all other respects, while others were part of the milling millions in various states of class and style (or lack thereof). Why were so many guys messy?

I figure now that there are two reasons. One is that many males are simply not taught to even think about their bathroom habits in any form or fashion. They take the criticism of female siblings as errant bitching, and never really stop to think about the impact of their unsanitary habits. This doesn't stop with peeing; it goes on to dirty sinks and shaven hairs on bathroom counters, and on beyond that. Men are simply never taught to have class and style, show respect for others, and clean up after themselves, or better, improve their habits to avoid the messes altogether.

The other reason males are messy, at least for another part of the population, is that they don't care. Even if they thought about it for a moment, they would simply dismiss the concept as a non-issue. "I'm a guy; that's how I am." Bullshit. Anyone can have class and style and practice good habits without hampering their image in the world. I don't hold out much hope for the slobs of the world, but I have my dreams.

"Gee, Mr. Snotty, what do you do?" For one thing, at home and elsewhere, in any restroom shared by women and men, girls and boys, where there is only a toilet, I (get ready because this will shock you) SIT DOWN!!! That's right. I leave the seat down, drop my drawers and sit for the cause of keeping the toilet and the area around it clean. I do this because I respect the right of women and men to a clean bathroom. A man or boy CANNOT pee into a toilet bowl without spattering even the tiniest droplets outside of the bowl. This means on the floor about the bowl, or on any nearby wall. Even if you aim for some area you think will reduce the chances you simply cannot escape the reality that a stream of liquid hitting any hard surface or any other liquid surface will simply splatter no matter what.

Want proof? Easy. Before you pee in the bowl, lay some lengths of toilet paper around the toilet on the floor. If there is a wall or object next to the toilet, then affix a length of toilet paper on the surface. Toilet paper will show the spots rather well. Now stand and deliver, trying your common method (remember, you're testing what you normally do, not some "ideal methodology"), and watch the spots appear on the toilet paper. Now you will understand what I mean.

Oh, so what? They've been dealing with it forever. Alright, then take a moment and pee a bit on the floor or wall. Let it dry for a while. Go back in the bathroom and place your hand on the spot you wetted earlier, then use that hand to eat an apple, or to pick a bit of food off your teeth. Feel sick about it, yet? Now think about other folks who follow you in the bathroom where you spattered. Maybe they rub their arm on the wall, on and area they will not wash when they soap up after their business. Maybe they pick up an infant afterwards, or go back to fixing dinner, or whatever. Maybe it's a kiddo who doesn't wash up afterwards (GRRR!!!!), and they come back out to finish lunch. Are these the places you want even a bit of your pee to touch? No? That's my point, guys. It's a matter of respect for others and respect for yourself. It's also a matter of health and safety.

If you are not moved by this argument in fact or philosophy then I have no hope for you. You will continue as you have no matter who says what to you. If so, then please buzz off. I care for you even less than you care for my ideas.

Oh, and guys, if you happen to think this is only a guys issue... I had a friend at Six Flags who routinely used the ladies room (she's a girl/woman), and she often reported that women were often just as messy. They have a harder time aiming than guys, and even they sometimes don't care. Others are so disgusted by the unsanitary toilets left by other women that they try to squat over the bowl without sitting, sometimes with messy results of their own. So gals have issues, too. (Like feminine napkins and tampons getting flushed down toilets, causing them to clog up and overflow.)

Finally, wash your hands with soap and water, taking at least 15-20 seconds of good lather and vigorous rubbing of all areas, between fingers, around nails, and so on. The soap kills some of the germs, but the vigorous rubbing with soap does the most work of mechanically removing germs and oils (where the germs having settled). The soap and warm water breaks and loosens the oils and dirt, carrying many of the germs with them to be washed off in the rinse. Oh, and I won't even start here about how "anti-bacterial" soap is helping evolve strains of germs that are resistant to the anti-bacteria soap, leading us back to what they cannot resist under any circumstance, which is vigorous rubbing with soap and warm water.

14 July, 2001